Awh man. Why did I have to think of that feeling. Oh my. Oh my. I made the greatest mistake. Oh my. Why do I realize it now. Ugh. The point that there is literally nothing I could do about it. Oh my. ):
I feel like I am prolonging thee inevitable. I’m not going to look at this any differently now. Nothings going to change. I love you. But I’m no longer in love with you. I know that I’ll miss what I have when it’s gone. But for Now. The feeling of being closter phobic is just too much to handle
I’m a liar? Yeahh. So that means that the pictures of my swollen black and blue cheek is a lie. Or the people that saw him choking me were lying. Or how about the people that saw him throw me into the car because I didn’t want to ride alone…. Liars? Oh. And What about the people that saw him drag me by the arm away from my brother. Or even the ones that saw him shake me and leave me with welts. Oh yes. They are all lying. You don’t know the whole story. You weren’t there. You weren’t the one terrified. Fuck you. And stay out of my fucking life! You’re one of my supposed “best friends”. Yeahh. Right. No friend would ever do that. EVER!
1-hurting you, I constantly regret hurting you and acting like it didn’t happen.
2-YOU. Why did that happen! Is it true that drunk actions are sober thoughts? If so then I really don’t know myself as well as I thought.
3-left you by yourself, it was wrong of me. I love you so much and it kills me knowing how hurt you are. And how you must feel thinking all your kids abandoned you.
4-quoting softball and basketball, I loveeeed to play. They were my life. I didn’t realize until now how big of a part it was in my life
5-losing it just to lose it. Yeah I know it sounds wrong. And it is, but I didn’t want to over think it at the time and have to wait for someone I didn’t think would come. But now that I found the right one I want to take that night back so much.
6- not saying I love you everytime I leave my family. I will always have to live with the fact that I was scared you’d get mad at me because I didn’t put on a sweater. And because of that stupid thing I didn’t say goodbye.
Nothing is worse then sitting here, with the worlds biggest secrets, and not having that one personal best friend to tell them to. Yes, I have friends, and the ones I call my “best friends,” but every friend that has been my #1, just doesn’t consider me there’s anymore. It’s upsetting to see my life speeding by before my eyes. It’s AP this, or golf that, or work this, or boyfriend that. I need a break!! I just want to have/be invited to qwelf night. Or dress up like weirdos and go to GSR. Or just have my friends back. Ughhh. ):